5. Learning initial lessons in Discernment.

          We can notice different stages of growth in Ignatius while at Loyola after the battle of Pamplona. His leg had to be broken and reset by the surgeons. In those days there were no drugs to kill pain so Ignatius had to endure excruciating pain during surgery. At one stage the doctors thought that he would die. But on the feast of St. Peter he began to recover. 

    Ignatius’ early days of convalescence at Loyola were filled with illusions. He used to spend much time dreaming of the exploits he would perform. Then, there followed a time of boredom. In order to do away with the boredom he asked for novels. There were no novels in the house and so he was forced to read the life of Christ (Vita Christi) and the Lives of Saints (Flos Sanctorum). These books challenged him deeply and opened up a whole new world. 

    At first he kept dreaming of life at the king’s palace and what he would do for his lady friend. Then he would switch over and dream of living as Christ and His saints did. He was able to watch his own reactions and analyse them. He noticed that while he thought about of his lady he had some happiness but afterwards he felt empty, weary and disgusted with himself. But when he thought of Christ and his saints, he felt happiness at that time, and that happiness continued afterwards too. He examined these different forces that were at work in him. One he called the good spirit as it led him towards God; the other he called the evil spirit as it pulled him away from God. Soon he became skilled in recognizing these different inner movements and noticed the direction they led him. He saw that one was taking him God-wards and that the other made him more self-centred. 

    His convalescence at Loyola went on for some months. One night Our Lady appeared to him holding the Child Jesus. He was filled with joy. Eventually he decided to devote his life to Christ and to do great things for Him, as the saints had done. He was by nature a generous person and so, once he had made up his mind to serve God, he would do so fully. With Ignatius there were no half measures.

( to be continued chapter 6. Ignatius at Montserrat.)

"Placed with the Son"- A short biography of St.Ignatius--- Fr.Lawrence Dharmaraj 

(From the personal study notes under the guidance of late Fr.Maurice Dullard s.j)